[ Over silk fabrics blood flows like brittle glass ]

[ The - Timeline ]

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+November 2008+

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Disclaimer: To people I don't know, read on. To people who know me, save your questions and doubts for my personal answer. Don't let your imagination run wild. At least let me personally add in juicier details first. Read with an open mind.

Who would have thought I would be so fortunate. Call me silly and foolhardy, I don't know. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm just so new to all these fresh experiences that just a swash of romance and a kiss of passion can send me derilious with ecstasy. I admit that such a scenario did cross my mind when I first agreed to our meeting, I know probably something like this would arise if I traversed such sites, or decided to try out for fun. But maybe, just maybe, I really longed for it? I know people like to be loved. I like to love people. My mindset of the world has very much changed. Yes I still wallow in my sadism sometimes but it's only a reprive. I do believe life is good and gets better. It's getting better for me.

I've now crossed over into being an adult. I'm no longer the naive, immature, young, childish and prep-school boy. I have unknowingly, in a night of intense ******* [no, this is not what you think it is] and flush of emotion, ascended into the age of innocence gone. In the words of Katy Perry's song "It felt so wrong, it felt so right". I just wished I could have frozen that crystalline moment of time and lock in forever in my vivid memory (of which I'm sure it'll be very long before I even forget), and 'save it from the funny tricks of time'. I don't with you to leave. I want to be with you longer... The night was still young... But... I'm still a student and I have my priorities. Damn me. It really sucks. Could anyone have ever imagined me saying "I want to be with you longer"? It's so funny really, it's almost ridiculous. Maybe it's because there's finally someone that I truly care about other than myself. And it's perfectly fine. You're more than perfectly fine, but I'm still myself, so virginal, so clueless...

Now at least the nights are better. All I need is just to call upon a reminiscence and a sweet smile grovels to my lips. My lips against yours. That was nice. That was cool. I liked it alot. GAH. Omg. This is sooooooo FUNNIE! How can I, Joshua, be so caught up in this whirlwind of romance? GAH. ME! ME!? Omg!!! And I think it wasn't really a whirlwind at all. More like a tsunami, where the waves draw back to reveal the sea floor and I'm the dumbass kid who thinks it's funny and worth a look/experience, and ventures towards it, only to be swashed by the torrents of emotion that I almost drowned, by clung onto a life bouy that brought light to my eyes. And the light was so bright I got blinded. But the feeling of blindness can be so nice, especially when you are also blinded from the endless cycle of studying, tests, nagging and staying at home letting my body disintegrate.

Haha. I must really breathe now. Cos I couldn't catch my breath at all last night. It was a blast! It happened so fast... I really didn't want it to end. GAH. I'm a stupid bitch who doesn't know what is good for himself.

I'm sorry that I said "I like you", cos I think if I were to say "I love you", it'll bring us to a whole new level, a new stage of responsibilities, a new platform of communication, a stepping stone for further risks and adventures together, just the 2 of us. Or maybe I don't dare to say it cos it would mean I have someone else in my life now. Other than me. Or maybe I'm afraid to admit, maybe it's cos it's a sign of weakness, that I'm letting my emotions go, that I'm throwing myself under the bus, that I'm flinging myself out off my comfy armchair and into the arms of someone else. You know what? It's a very nice feeling.

I love you. <333333

+ Josh sings to the unforgiving sea + 2:53 AM

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

It's so funny that academics should take up so many of my posts... Well, what can I say for this prelims? Here's a recap:

1) GP - Should get a B at least. I'm extremely disappointed cos I think my essay won't get me an A. Unless the teacher is looking for a new PoV. LOL! Argh! Why did I write such a universal topic!! AHHH

2) Econs - *Should get a B if everything goes well. Paper 1 was aced. Paper 2... Case study... As usual no time and not very confident

3) Bio - MCQ still haven't done yet, but I think I should be able to get a B, a C at worse probably. Paper 1 was Ok. Paper 2 was savior! Even though I blanked out over the applications of plant tissue culture or something...

4) Chem - Paper 3 was ... =.=. I'll be lucky to get 45/80. BUT... THANK LORD FOR PAPER 2!!! It totally saved my aRse! I think from a prospective E I can scrape a D/C/B? If paper 2 does as well as i hope i think i did.

5) Math - BOMB... :'( I wanna cry. Paper 1 died! And it wasn't like super hard. I think i honestly flopped paper 1... and even though paper 2 was so much easier and i managed to do everything confidently [except the retarded PnC - fugu!] I'm sure I'll still fail. I can foresee it. Sigh. I wanna cry. I wanna cry. I wanna cry. But I can't. Cos there's still A levels.

Predicted grades from Mrs. Kong will probably go something like this:
Gp - A [ok i think I deserve this], Econs - A [ok i think i somewhat can get this realistically], Bio - A [can la, i'm very confident in my memory, juz needa practise more!], chem - A/B/C [i dunno. hard to tell based on the crazy prelims], math - N/A

+ Josh sings to the unforgiving sea + 7:10 AM

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Never knew I could feel this way about anyone before.
Your smile, your face, you deep brows, your cheeky grin through those red glasses.
Both in the same boat but you seem so confused. So am I.
If only we'd met earlier, if only I was who you thought I really am.
Oh how I both loathe and love this funny virginal fresh feeling.
Your photo is what I have, to lull me into sleep.
Your thoughts in my mind, to push me on.
Maybe some day I will be good enough, maybe one day I will be the man you want me to be.
Your confidant, your soulmate, your buddy, your friend, your trusted.
Maybe some day I will be certain of myself, and I hope that you'll still be mine.
They say the first is always the sweetest; the most immature. But it's nice.
My mind says no but my heart says go.
At least I can see you from way over here, dreaming.
Will you like me? I think I like you.
My beautiful, my beautiful DL... <333

+ Josh sings to the unforgiving sea + 6:45 AM